That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
