it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize