We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
