This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
