I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
