I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
