im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
