just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
