Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
