remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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