i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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