ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
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