I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
