Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
