I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize