It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
