It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
