May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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