Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
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