i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
