I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
