Moan for me like Helen Keller
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
