I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
