Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
