had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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