I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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