If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
