Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
