can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
