So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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