You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
