It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
