Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
