i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
