ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
