I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
