she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
