is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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