update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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