Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
