Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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