We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
And then he peed in my hair
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