sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize