I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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