I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
