If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
