Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
