he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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