So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
