Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
areolas are like halos for boobs.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
