This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
