matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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