is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
