omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Randomize
