that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
