I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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