Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
