is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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