If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize