Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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