I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
