If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
