I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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