Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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